What is a Good Marriage?


What is a Good Marriage?

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Whenever I meet a couple that’s been together for a long time, I always ask the same question, “What’s your secret?”  I ask that question to honor the couple for a lifelong commitment they made to each other, but I’m also curious to how they’ve made it to this point in their lives.

The answers are always so different, but the reaction is always the same.  They both smile wide and look into each other’s eyes before they answer.  It’s their reaction, not their answers that always get me.  In that moment, when they stare into each other’s souls before they answer the question is the only answer I need.

What I see when the couples look at each other is appreciation.  Appreciation for the years spent together, an appreciation for one another, and a deep respect as a result of it.  To me, that is the secret to an awesome marriage.

When I reflect on my own marriage and recall the 15 years I’ve spent with my wife, I can truly say that appreciation is the glue that keeps us together.  Almost every argument or strife in our marriages boils down to not feeling appreciated.

A relationship survives on a healthy foundation of appreciation.  If you appreciate your spouse you won’t take them for granted.  You won’t dismiss their ideas, or cut them off in a conversation.  You will listen to their complaints and hold them close when they are hurting.  You love them when you don’t agree with them and you will indulge them when you aren’t in the mood to relate with them.

Appreciation is the beginning and end of a relationship.  Whenever the strains of life forces you in conflict with your spouse.  Stop and reflect on what you appreciate most about your spouse and you will find your heart will warm for them again, for there is so much to appreciate about the one you chose to spend your life with and that will always outweigh whatever conflict comes your way.

What is a good marriage?  It’s one filled with appreciation for one another.  It’s that simple.  What do you appreciate about your spouse?  Show your appreciation for them today!

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6 comments

  1. Erick, Once again you nailed it on the head. Simple and obvious…a good reminder!
    Thanks,

    Reply
    1. Thanks Robb. Most things are truly simple, right? I appreciate the comment.

      Reply
  2. Here’s a good example of what I appreciate about my husband of 40+ years – he just called me at work to invite me to dinner and a show this Friday night. He still loves dating me.

    Rock the Kasbah, Baby!

    Reply
    1. That’s perfect. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  3. Erick: This is a very insightful piece – thank you and I appreciate YOU!

    Reply
    1. Hey! I appreciate it, Jack. It’s good to hear from you!

      Reply

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